Lucky in Love and Life.

Each month there is a special Warmer & Scent of the month. --- get 10% off the newest warmer & scent to be released each month.  This month's warmer is Othello and the scent is Oxford.

These are both perfect for the men in your life - and with Father's Day around the corner... it's the perfect time to scent up their work or at-home office. Every guy I know likes their space to smell good, they just won't admit it most of the time. Get him something he will use and think of you each time he sees/smells it.

Order online and shipped directly to you: www.scentsy.com/mkrebbs

How I survived the first year of being a single mom

You can be a SUPER Mom too!

Mother's Day is around the corner and it got me to thinking about how I take for granted what an important job I do each day.  Not my jobs as a writer, photographer, event planner or web designer... I am talking about the under-appreciated but elite status of "Mommy". 

Let's rewind a bit before I get to my main point of this article, which is sharing with you all how I survived the first year of being a single parent...  I want to tell you about what life was like before I was doing this job solo.

I remember my first mother's day like it was yesterday.  It was so exciting to me.  My daughter had JUST turned one (the DAY before actually).  I was excited to see what my dear husband would present me with that morning.  My daughter came toddling into the room (just having learned to walk) and presented me with a card.  My husband was behind her with a big proud smile on his face and a beautifully wrapped gift in his hands.

Here it was.  My moment of appreciation for my first year on the job.  I opened the card and read the Hallmark choice my spouse had picked for me and the tiny scribble at the bottom that my daughter had carefully drawn.  I felt tears burn the back of my eyes at this long awaited moment.  And then confusion muddled my brain as I saw the note from him at the bottom:  "Mama!  Make me some rice!" 

I understand now that in his own way that this was his way of being funny, his answer later was "Hey, you're not MY mom."  However, at the time I was so disappointed when I opened the beautiful gift to find an ordinary old rice steamer.  My first mother's day gift.  A kitchen appliance that I didn't even really need.  Sigh. 

Now years later, I see that first mother's day would be symbolic of the years ahead of me.  A husband that would never really "get" nor "appreciate" me (which is one of the many reasons he is an EX-husband now, ha)... children that wanted nothing more than to see me smile, even if it was just from a scribble at the bottom of a paper... and that the demands of motherhood would always come before personal happiness and freedom, but would often lead to it anyways.

Later that day, I DID make Jenna some rice in our new steamer, and we had fun figuring it out together and eating some rice and chicken as a family.  Despite my disappointment, it ended up being a meaningful and memorable day.

So, in honor of mother's day, I am going to share with you the top 10 things you should focus on when starting out down the path of being a Single Super Mom:

1. Adjust your expectations.
     If you are like me, you will want to maintain the same standard of living you had when you were a two-parent and two-income family.  You will quickly learn that you cannot exist with the same levels of expectations you had when you were a duo... you are now a solo super mom... the house will be messier, your bank account will have a lower balance, you will be more tired, more stressed, find less time for yourself.  Your kids will be naughtier.  You will get less sleep.  You will work harder than you ever have in your life.  You will NOT complete your first year as a single parent as the same person you started it... It WILL change you.  So go into it expecting change and adjustment around every corner and you will be much better off with that reality in your mind.  (recommended site:  www.singlemom.com)
2. Surround yourself with a strong network of friends and family.
    So many women find themselves alienating themselves after a divorce or separation.  This is partly because friends can be the worst casualty of a divorce.  It's hard for friends of couples to pick sides, so often they don't... they just lose touch.  But you will find out who your REAL friends are during this time.  They are the ones that pick up the phone and call for no other reason than to check on you.  They are the ones that offer to babysit so you can have an hour to grocery shop by yourself.  They are the ones that will bring a casserole for the kids and a bottle of wine for you and offer to let you sit and drink the wine while she feeds the kids.  Don't push these friends away, even if your instinct is to hibernate from the world at first.  These are the people that will help you up when you are down.  And you will need supportive friends and family as you journey through single parenting more than you ever have before in your life.  (recommended sites for staying in touch with friends and family: Facebook, Gmail, share photos on-line Photobucket, keep in touch by creating a blog at Blogger or Vox).
3. Carve out time for yourself.
     Even married moms find themselves losing their own identities in the midst of motherhood.  You go to sleep one night a strong independent and creative woman one night and find yourself waking up with no other identity than butt and nose wiper, housekeeper, short order cook and taxi driver.  And once you become a single parent, there is no one to share these duties with, so you find yourself hitting the floor running from the time you wake up, until the time you hit the sack late that night.  Find a good sitter and book her at least once a month for a couple of hours.  The kids will enjoy playing with someone new and you will enjoy having a few hours to yourself, even if it's just to grab a book from the library and find a quiet cafe to read and enjoy a cup of coffee.  If you can't afford a sitter, make good use of those visitation weekends with the ex.  Don't use the entire weekend to catch up on housework and chores... be sure to use some of that time to do something you truly enjoy, something that feeds your soul and your own identity.  (my favorite place to have some downtime - grab a girlfriend and a bottle of wine and paint pottery: Kiln Time)
4. Do your research.
     Whether it's finding affordable housing, a stable job, or the perfect child-care facility, don't just jump on the first thing you find.  The internet is such a GREAT resource of information, but don't discount word of mouth either.  Get referrals and recommendations from friends and family.  Check references.  And then finally you can use that information and combine it with your gut instinct to make the right decisions for your family.  (resources at Parents.com:  Surviving(and Thriving) as a Single Mom, 10 Way to Reduce Single Parent Stress, Single Parents' Secrets of Success)
5. Maintain a routine.
     Most likely you will be splitting one home into two, and that can be a huge adjustment for any child.  The most important thing you can do for all of your sanity is to create a household routine that works for everyone and stick to it.  Assign kids age-appropriate chores and develop a reward chart to encourage them to stick to it.  Get up at the same time everyday (even if you don't feel like it), make plans on the weekends that you can all look forward to, even if it's just going to the park or hitting a local festival, and keep a regular bedtime that starts with a scheduled routine (bedtime snack followed by bath and teeth brushing and wrapped up with a bedtime story and/or bedtime prayers).  This routine will be what your children and even you hold onto when the rest of your lives seem upside down and confusing.  (GREAT and easy to download reward charts: Supernanny Reward System)
6. Do not jump into dating right away.
     I think the most tempting thing for me once I found myself single and with two free weekends a month was to jump into dating.  I was newly skinny (thanks to my diet of stress starvation and lack of sleep) - and felt confident for the first time in many years.  Like most newly single mom's, I wasn't use to spending those free weekends alone, so I grabbed another single girlfriend and hit the bars flirting shamelessly with men much younger than me.  While it was fun and good for my self-esteem, in the long run it just made me feel more alone than before.  Use that time instead to fall in love with yourself again.  Take up a hobby you always wanted to do, but never had the time.  Preferably something that will get you in social situations, but without the pressure of dating.  Take a class or join a gym.  Who knows... you might meet someone anyways, but by then you will have learned to be okay being alone too.  (my favorite family-friendly gym with lots of fun classes and activities: Lifetime Fitness)
7. Treat yourself to something nice.
     I am going to tell you to stick to a budget in my next tip, but FIRST... go treat yourself.  You just got through one of the most difficult times of your life and you are about to spend the next decade or more putting your life on the back burner for your children.  Reward yourself for getting through it intact and having the strength and confidence to go it alone.  Buy yourself a watch, the designer purse you have been drooling over, or treat yourself to a trip or spa day.  (my favorite online shopping: Amazon, Red Envelope, James Avery, Ebay).
8. Create and STICK TO a Budget.
     Okay, despite what I said above, you do have to REALLY watch how you spend your money now.  It's time to look at how much money you have coming in and limit what you have going out.  I cannot say enough about how important this is.  I learned this lesson the HARD way.  (recommended site:  www.mint.com)
9. Stay positive.  You can do this.  If you think you can't - email me for a Weekly Motivator.  When you don't think you can find anything to smile about... fake it... eventually you will find it is genuine.
10. Release yourself of the guilt.  You will be okay.  Your kids will be okay.  Your ex will be okay.  Your friends and family will still love you.  All you can do is your very best.  Don't be a critic of yourself.  Don't have regrets.  Do cheer yourself on EVERYDAY.  Do look forward to the future... because the power to make it great is in YOUR hands.

Stay tuned to my next article - Going from Stay-at-home Mom to Work-away-from-the-home Mom in 5 simple steps without losing your sanity.  Copyright 2009 Miranda Krebbs.  For more information about the author of this article, please email miranda@luckystardesigns.net.

Fall_Clearance

10% off everything in the Fall/Winter Catalog!*

There’s no better way to drive away those Wintertime blues than with a 10% off sale of Scentsy!
Stock up on your favorite Warmers, Plug-ins, Scentsy Bars and Bricks, Room Sprays and Car Candles.

Receive an additional 10% discount on this month’s Warmer of
the Month, Symphony and Scent of the Month, Tarocco Mint.
DSW-SYMP $30.00 $27.00 $24.30
Car Candle $3.00 $2.70 $2.43
Room Spray $8.00 $7.20 $6.48
Scentsy Bar $5.00 $4.50 $4.05
Scentsy Brick $20.00 $18.00 $16.20

Contact me today to book your party. I can even do parties that our out of the area. I have two going on this month on the east coast.

JUST GO ONLINE TO www.scentsy.com/mkrebbs  to order directly from my website --- shipped directly to you!

He was 19 and had just finished his third year of service in the Navy (thanks to the fact that he illegally enlisted at the age of 16 by lying and saying he was 18).  Mature beyond his years, he was devilishly handsome.  He had the same color eyes as Frank Sinatra and the same charming smile.  Dressed in his uniform, he was quite the sight for most young girls.

As he walked into the party with a buddy in tow, he scanned the room for anyone he knew.  He always did this.  Looking for a familiar face to ease his initial shyness in a new setting.  His eyes landed on her.  As his heart did a jump and he caught his breath, his hand involuntarily grasped his buddie's arm as he stopped in his shiny shoes. 

"What?" his friend said, looking at him quizically.

"That's her." replied the young sailor.

"Who?"

"The woman I am going to marry."

"Do you know her?"

"Not yet," he replied with a sly smile on his face, feeling his pulse even out again and the color return to his face.

She was 16.  Never been kissed, just as the saying goes.  Wavy brown hair with natural streaks of blond, ice blue eyes and skin as pure as porceline, she was certainly a vision of fragile beauty.  This was her first party her parents had let her attend without them.  She was wearing her best party dress and had fussed over her hair for nearly two hours.  However, all she had done since arriving was stand in the corner and giggled with her girlfriends from school.  She had been sheltered most of her life, which had left her painfully shy in social situations like this.

She felt his eyes on her before she saw him.  When she looked up, he was in front of her with his hand out and a warm smile on his face.   While she looked into his warm and sparkling eyes, feeling the laughter within them, he introduced himself.  She looked down quickly, her face flushing.  She mumbled her name to him and then quickly glanced up again.  He was definitely laughing at her, barely concealing it.  If she wasn't so embarrassed, she would be angry.  At herself or at him, she wasn't sure.

She decided she wouldn't stand there and be mocked, so she turned and excused herself to the powder room.  Her skirt twirled around her legs as she spun away and wiped the smile from his face.  He had never longed for someone so much in his life.  How could a perfect stranger make his heart beat so wildly?  He fought the urge to run after her and pull her into his arms.

Is this what they meant by "love at first sight?"

He could certainly believe it. 

She found herself breathing heavily and flushed looking at herself in the bathroom mirror.  Who was this boy?  Or should she say, Who was this MAN?  He was different from the other boys she knew, that took only one look to know.  He felt wildly out of her league, barely out of childhood herself.  But there was something strangely magnetic about him.  Something that made her want to run into his arms and lay her head on his chest to breath in his scent. 

What a shocking thought!  Her mother would be appalled knowing such things were going through her head.  But she couldn't help it.  From the minute she looked into those deep blue eyes, she wanted to drown in them.  That's why she had to run away.  She never felt anything like that before.  It was involuntary impulse and she was afraid to leave the bathroom in case she saw him again and was unable to control herself.  What kind of fool would she look if she were to do the things running through her mind?

Her breathing leveled out and she decided she better rejoin the party.  She slowly opened the door and as soon as she did she saw him standing there.  She caught her breath, suprised.  He was leaning casually against the wall waiting for her, his legs crossed and a cigarette in his mouth.  Upon seeing her, he put the cigarette out on a nearby table and swiftly went to her and pushed her into the bathroom and shut the door, before she had a chance to protest or for anyone to see them.

Once she caught her breath, she slapped him.  Eyes wide, he grabbed her arm and lifted the palm of her hand to his lips and kissed it.  Her heart skipped a beat at the feel of his soft lips on her skin.  No one had ever kissed her in such a way, and she felt tingles from that spot run through the rest of her body and her knees went weak. 

They stood there for what seemed forever just staring at each other, no words exchanged.  Slowly his arm wrapped around her waist until he had her pulled against him.  She didn't protest this time.  Just kept staring at him.  He put his other hand on her face and said "I have to see you again.  Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?"

She slowly nodded her head in agreement.  He kissed her forehead and let her go and walked out of the bathroom.  She let her knees go weak and sat on the toilet to let her heart slow to a decent pace, her hand on her heart.  She didn't know who he was, but she knew she had to see him again. 

Somewhere deep inside of her she knew that he was the missing part of her and that she would love him for the rest of her life.  And at that same moment, he was walking home with his buddy, telling him the same exact thing. 

It was 1957, by the end of the year they would be married and by 1960 she would be pregnant with their third child, my stepdad Don.  A beautiful love story told to me since I was a child by my "Uncle Marvin" who lost the love of his life when she was only 29 to Emphazima.  She left 4 children and a legendary love to the man that swept her off her feet.  Not a day went by that he didn't miss or love her.  And it was this story that made me believe in love at first sight and soulmates. 

He was the glue of our family and was always the one to keep the conflicts to a minimum and to mend broken bridges that happen in a family as large as ours.  He believed in our country and fighting to keep it free.  He worshipped God and second only to that was John Wayne.  He treated his wife like a treasure that God gave him.  And he was quick to discipline his children, but they also knew that his pride for them ran deep and true.  And even though I wasn't "blood" related, I never felt it because he loved me as much as any of his other grandkids.  And I loved him like a grandfather.   

Marvin passed away a couple years ago and I know that he and his child bride are in heaven now with two of thier four children that have already passed on as well.  I feel them here watching over us and I thank God that their love blessed so many lives, including mine.

Rest in peace Uncle Marvin... your blue eyes are always sparkling in my memories.

Somehow I've attracted the attention of a few German voxers.  I've been added to quite a few neighborhoods lately.  And although I am flattered, I can't read a damn thing, cause I don't speak/read/write/understand German.

Thanks anyways.

Haben Sie einen netten Tag!

I know I am getting a lot of traffic due to my review of RG's book.  I keep most of my posts to nieghborhood or group only... so if you want to read my blog, the best way to do so is to add me to your nieghborhood.  I will most likely return the favor, unless I see that you aren't active on Vox. 

If you want to read my public writing, without having to add me or get a vox account --- then I will point you to my monthly articles over at Harlot's Sauce ezine.  Lots of great writers there and interesting content.

Thanks!

(just didn't want anyone not in my 'hood that stumbles onto my blog to think that I have nothing better to write abbut than lame Quote of the Day and Song of the Day posts.  Ha.)

The book review I wrote for Harlot's Sauce is now online.  Go check it out! 

(it's the book RG Ryan - a good Vox nieghbor - is in the process of publishing.  I was allowed the honor to read it before publication and write my review for Harlot's Sauce, a 'zine I write for monthly).

Thanks for reading!

My sister sent this to me today.  Considering the ups and downs I've had over the past couple years.. I can totally and completely relate to it... so I want to post for all of you as well.  Especially the ones of you that I consider girlfriends... you are the best of the best!!  -- Miranda

GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, ' Let's cry together, '
Another , ' Let's fight together, '
Another , ' Let's walk away together. '

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,
But for many, it's wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.

To my Vox Readers,

First I want to say thank you to everyone that reads my self-involved little blog.  I really and truly enjoy writing in it everyday, and like most people, I enjoy the fact that so many of you read it daily and leave me insightful and supportive comments.  As a single mom, this has been a great source of friendship and support to compensate for the inability to socialize in a more traditional sense.

All that being said, I am aware that those with less than innocent intentions read my blog daily as well.  I've struggled for a better part of a year to figure out what to do about it.  I could make everything I write private, to friends and nieghborhood only... but I have a very robust neighborhood - how do I know who is sincere and be able to distinguish them from those with malicious motivations?  There is no clear-cut answer.

I've wrote extensively here on my blog about trust and forgiveness.  I've tried very hard to give a few people I know the benefit of the doubt, only to be proven time and time again that I am foolish for doing so.  I can't tell you how disappointing that is. 

Ultimately I am having to change who I am, and my foundational instincts in order to mis-trust people - I must do this to protect myself and those I love.  I am very near the point where I am not sure I'll be able to ever truly trust anyone again.  I've asked people to leave me alone, but they don't (statcounter doesn't lie).  I have sensored myself as much as I possibly can publically (and yet I still feel violated by these random few).  But there is a limit to what I am willing to do, I cannot live my life under a rock.  I refuse to do so.  I have nothing to hide, I just wish the world wasn't such a malicious place.

I am a writer.  It's in my soul.  Like most writers, I create prose about the things I know best --- my experiences and life.  Some of it is very personal and raw.  I share publically for many reasons.  For therapy.  For support.  To help others that are going through the same experiences and traumas.  To make all of my writing private defeats the purposes of why I write.

Ultimately I hope to make a living at this someday.  In order to do that, I must grow a thicker skin that doesn't allow others judgement and ridicule of my life affect me in a negative way. 

As always, some of my blogs will be private.  Blogs about my love life is strictly for Friends only.  Blogs about my ex-husband and our constant battles are usually neighborhood only (because he too likes to read my blog and I'd rather him not know my intimate thoughts about him), and random everyday stuff I keep public.  Occassionally I post things to my groups only because the topic is appropriate. 

I have a very good vox friend that is trying to help me promote my writing.  I am sooooo excited about the possibilities this brings for me, and her as well.  So, going forward you will see a lot of topics here relating to life, stories about my family and childhood, and my thoughts on current events.  None of this should be all that interesting to those that despise me.  The stuff they would love to read will still be private, as it has always been.

In that regards, I have determined it's time to clean up the nieghborhood a bit.  I want to apologize in advance if for some reason you drop out of my hood in the next few days.  It's not because I don't enjoy what you write, or that I don't want you to read what I have to say... it's only because I am feeling the need to draw my circle in a bit more and make it more intimate. 

Like I said, much of what I write will be public anyways.  So no worries on missing what I have to say about the world and life.  More private information will be held closer to those I trust.  Those that I feel are sincere in their motivations. 

However, not much will be changing.  The only reason I even alerted you was that I wanted to show those that read my blog the respect and appreciation that they are due and let you know of the reasons for any changes you might notice.  Thanks for reading and commenting... it means the world to me.

Hugs & Love,

Miranda